Monday, November 13, 2006

Who is "mad" - me or she??

Last week I visited a friend who introduced me to her grandmother who was apparently "not quite right". She certainly seemed all right to me, but apparently she wasn't. Since I didn't know the grandaughter too well, I couldn't really question her, so while coffee was being made, I talked to the "not quite right" grandma. Or rather, she talked to me.

The news was on and there was a man talking about the failure of the war in Iraq, to which the grandma listened quite patiently beofre suddenly sayin - we don't realize that everything we do, we do only for ourself. Even when we help someone, we help them only because it gives us the satsifaction of having done some good. And only God does things for others without looking for personal happiness. Not exactly how I see the war in Iraq (!!) or God for that matter, so was this what made her "not quite right"?

No, 'course not cos when the chick came back with coffee she decided to show me just how "not quite right" her grandma was. She proceeded to ask her grandmother a series of questions. What year is this? After much thought the answer came back - 1982. How old was she? 55 (she was actually 79). How old was the granddaughter? 'you graduated last year. 24' (correct). Where did she live? An address so far out in the suburbs I had not heard of the place (though they actually lived very close to the city). Where was grandpa? Glancing at the clock on the wall, 'at work' (he had died about 20 years ago I think) and so on.

Throughout this questioning, this chick found these answers hilarious. And the questions got wackier till I told her I didn't find it funny. I don't know what exactly the grandma had for she remembered some things quite correctly and other things so very incorrectly..but what disconcerted me was not the errors the grandma made, but the fact that this girl I had thought was quite "normal" was so entertained by her grandmother's "madness". Wasn't that a much worse madness than whatever the old lady had?? And is the fact that I find the girl "mad" and not at all hilarious mean that I myself is afflicted with some sort of "madness"?

Why is it that we are so quick to see madness in others but not in ourselves? Why is it that we must always point to that mad person and not to this mad person in the mirror? Is it because if we start seeing our own madness, we can never surface from the dark labyrinth we are dragged into? Is it because we start seeing people in the dark alleyways that hitherto ran empty in solitude within us? Maybe it's because when we start seeing those that hover in the twilight of our hearts, we expect others to see them and we want others to see them. When they cannot, we are disappointed. Maybe it is to shield ourselves, from this disappointment, from that feeling of utter aloneness we feel when we realize that we are alone among those ghosts within us, that we refuse to see the madness within us and are quite happy to pass judgment on others.

13 comments:

Jack Point said...

to make a sane judgement, one requires a sane mind, which is sometimes a relative thing.

This chick seems a bit of a cruel character, making fun of poor old granny. She can't help it if she can't remeber things too well or is a bit confused can she?

Chamendra Wimalasena said...

:) You ask questions to which we all know the answers but barely give the time to ourselves to even answere :) Sad but it is the truth, the fact that most people will put down others with disabilities or of impaired judgement to make a mockery of the situation. Too bad in cases like this not many people realise that one day we too will be old like that :) Would we rather be loved or made a fool out of.. Who knows if we'd even care..

Indyana said...

You should have dropped this girl off at a mad house!

Butterfly Wings said...

here here...well said...i guess we all have some degree of insanity...and to derive evil pleasure of another's plight is pathological in its own right!

anyhow...ME DONE WITH EXAMS!!!!!!!! do you have plans friday night? there's this free concert in the city with a host of famous ppl...let me know. c u soon!

Sachini said...

well said manshark. Nice post.

Have you ever read (or watched or both) Girl,Interrupted? The author whose experience the book is based on, speaks about the thin line between sanity and insanity, a line all of us are perpetually crossing, sometimes knowingly and most of the time unknowingly.

When that girl laughs at her grandmother, she is not aware of the fact that in another 50 years she also might be in the same situation. I have met many old people who are spot on about some things from their past but are clueless about other things.

My own grandmother insists that it's November when it's October and December when it's November (and insists that the calendar be changed accordingly) but at 94 she can still remember the exact details of how she met my grandfather, the first gift he gave her, the games my father and his siblings used to play when they were small, every school she worked in as head mistress and the respective years, etc. Unless I appreciate, admire and most importantly remember the things she CAN remember, I'd also be like the girl you mentioned, picking on her weak points.

And your post has actually reminded me to appreciate her more and love her for the lapses of memory, not mock. Thank you

:)

Manshark said...

Ravi: Exactement! ;o)

Mr Evil: "Who knows if we'd even care.." you know, I actually think most would care..I was watching a tv prog which followed the lives of 3 elderly ppl who had probs related to dementia..and when they were visited by family they recognized, they kept asking "do you love me?" over and over again. It was just so sad.. ;"o(

Indyana: I don't think they have mad houses for this sort? lol ;o)

Rashika: Will confirm bout Friday night..is it noisy famous ppl or nice ones like Cat Empire?? ;oD

Sach: Oh, I'm so glad this touched you in some way..My grandmother passed away a coupla years ago and all I have right now are the memories of her smile or laugh or just being happy..and I think the one thing that made it easier to deal with not having her around is knowing I have nothing to regret in terms of "things I wanted to say but never got around to"..cos she knew everything I wanted to say to her..so yea, love her, love her, love her to bits now! ;o)

Chamendra Wimalasena said...

I know :( Thats really sad.. once in a while I hook up with my parents when they go the elders homes and we sit down and talk with them and they tell us about their sad stories of how some were put there by their own kids. How some sacrificed to make their kids happy. some havent even seen their children in years. Cos the kids are too busy working. I hate hearing these things but life as it is there are people who're out there that don't give a sh*t.. Wish I could shoot them all now..

Manshark said...

Mr Evil: Mmh..the more I read the things u write, the more I'm convinced there's a sensitive side to this particular Mr. Evil ;o)

Anonymous said...

wow. very succintly argued, which is as expected. and granted. what is the world coming to when people laugh at alzheimers...

...what worries me no end, though, is how YOU of all people managed, so lucidly, to discriminate between sanity and insanity!

Manshark said...

;o) But doesn't the fact that I'm eternally crossing over from one to the other make me the perfect candidate to try to distinguish between the two?? ;op

Chamendra Wimalasena said...

Manshark : u failed to realise that I did want to shoot them all :) Hence proving i'm evil :D

We shouldn't argue about my evilness.. After all i don't want to prove myself this early in time :P

Manshark said...

Okay, okay, U R Evil!! Happy? ;op

Chamendra Wimalasena said...

yes happy :) Thank you :P