Not really being there…
A couple of days ago, I went along to what was meant to be a special day for a friend…and found to my dismay that I was only one of the 2 people who bothered showing up…despite the fact that the invite list was much longer…and this got me thinking..
Why do we expect people to be there for us, to stay loyal and true to us… Is it to fool ourselves into staying happy? Feeling cared for? Loved? Is it not our own vanity that makes us think that friends, family and other loved ones will always be around us, in days full of light as well as those in darkness?
If you take a minute you’d notice that perhaps we don’t always think about it, but our shadow seems to always be around. It seems that the shadow never leaves the heels of our feet, but walks along with us, indiscriminate of how we feel and who we are. But this is only an illusion we hang on to as we plod along because we don’t bother to really notice that shadow…instead, we leave it to sway in the periphery of our vision…and only see it when it’s not there, or when we need to see it to dispel the loneliness.
In reality, the shadow clings to our heels so loyally only in the light. Depending on the light and its angle, the shadow grows and recedes. It dances to a rhythm we can’t control for it listens and knows only the music of light. But we always find that when there is darkness, the shadow is no more…for when the music vanishes, when the notes are tuneless, the shadow knows not the steps anymore.
If even our own shadows cling to us only in times of light, why is it that we expect people to be with us, for us, in our times of darkness? Why do we expect people to materialize out of nowhere for even a short waltz that’ll help us smile for a few minutes a day, when those who are closest to us hears the music no more?
Why do we expect people to be there for us, to stay loyal and true to us… Is it to fool ourselves into staying happy? Feeling cared for? Loved? Is it not our own vanity that makes us think that friends, family and other loved ones will always be around us, in days full of light as well as those in darkness?
If you take a minute you’d notice that perhaps we don’t always think about it, but our shadow seems to always be around. It seems that the shadow never leaves the heels of our feet, but walks along with us, indiscriminate of how we feel and who we are. But this is only an illusion we hang on to as we plod along because we don’t bother to really notice that shadow…instead, we leave it to sway in the periphery of our vision…and only see it when it’s not there, or when we need to see it to dispel the loneliness.
In reality, the shadow clings to our heels so loyally only in the light. Depending on the light and its angle, the shadow grows and recedes. It dances to a rhythm we can’t control for it listens and knows only the music of light. But we always find that when there is darkness, the shadow is no more…for when the music vanishes, when the notes are tuneless, the shadow knows not the steps anymore.
If even our own shadows cling to us only in times of light, why is it that we expect people to be with us, for us, in our times of darkness? Why do we expect people to materialize out of nowhere for even a short waltz that’ll help us smile for a few minutes a day, when those who are closest to us hears the music no more?
6 comments:
Hmmmmmmmm... now i feel bad :( I feel guilty of all you have described. But unfortunately my work has kept me from meeting my friends regularly for the past 2.5 months.. and some are pissed. and to tell you the truth i havent had the energy to call after work :( But from my point of view i never thought of it about the way you've put it.. all i've had in my head is I HOPE THEY UNDERSTAND. But it rarely happens.. they get sik of it i guess.. I don't talk about work because it's just not me.. but life.. it was so crap that i was working at 7am.. didn't even have a 31st night :( I tried spending the time i had with everyone before 31st but most of the closest couldn't make it :( and that makes me feel even worse.. oh hell.. im rattling.. well now u know how i feel :( This sucks :( I need to fix this! How was ur 31st?!?!?
But there are some friends we don’t expect to be there for us but who are there for anyway. Because of everything of your last few years,I always thought you were too strong to really understand my pain but you were the only one who stayed to to hold my hand through it when everything was too dark for me. So there are angels like you who stay with friends even at times when we are too blind to see you. And that is better than any shadow in the world
-ML
But there are some friends we don’t expect to be there for us but who are there for anyway. Because of everything of your last few years,I always thought you were too strong to really understand my pain but you were the only one who stayed to to hold my hand through it when everything was too dark for me. So there are angels like you who stay with friends even at times when we are too blind to see you. And that is better than any shadow in the world
-ML
how much more than a shadow, a true friend is?
Mr Evil: Heya..this wasn't meant to make YOU feel guilty..esp since you seem to have made the effort at least to be there! But I hope you did/will end up being able to catch up with some special peoples (soon)!:oD
ML: You idiot! :op Everything else I had to say to you was mailed off yday.. you take care of urself! :o)
Anon: Are you saying a true friend is more than a shadow? I'd say that even the closest of friends end up being shadows cos sometimes only you can see the corners you need step around.. :os
I truly understand! I dont know if this was your first time of being 'stranded' but for me it has happened more than once. On many of MY special occasions. Its sad how we go through all the trouble of organising things, preparing the moment to be special for that someone, getting insulted by others for doing whatever only to be dissapointed and heart broken when your let down. So many times i ask myself 'why do i bother?' but everythings forgotten the next time we see them. like you have said, i too, dont know why we want to surround ourselves with people and expect them to hear our heartbeat. the only conclusion i come to is that for me these 'people' are most important and if i ever lose them i will feel lost, stranded and broken. I think i fear that lonliness.. i fear to face the world alone. I think of them as my 'backup' and whenever i feel alone i think i can always run to them.. but when i really do need them, will they ever be there for me with open arms.. will i be stranded like the times before? only time can say i guess ..
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